if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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