This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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