My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize