I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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