My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
handjob tips. give me some.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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