sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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