Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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