Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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