If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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