the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
