When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
