R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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