waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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