What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
wow bdsm is so cute
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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