JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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