Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
