We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
