oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
