Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
