I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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