Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
