I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
