Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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