He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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