I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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