Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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