either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He felt like a one man threesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize