I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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