that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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