saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize