Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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