I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
