i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
