I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
