so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize