I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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