I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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