I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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