I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
