So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
