dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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