found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
