just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
