i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
