So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
