And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
