Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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