plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
