Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
