I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
