Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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