so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
