Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
