my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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