My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
not ubering you a puppy
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
