Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
