weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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