forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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