She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your penis caused this!
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