It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
