i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
