Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
