There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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