I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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