weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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