writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
