***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
