Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Who did Billy Mays play for?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
