sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
