i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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